WWWBT 4 – Where WWBT is dreaming about the CF guy and Luca is jealous
I choose the station with the ball. It’s a 5 kg leather ball, that we have to raise above our heads, then we have to squat and smash the ball to the ground. Don’t assume it’s easy! After seven or eight smashes you simply want to…. lay on a beach, with a Marguerita in your hand… You want to disappear, and materialize in your bed, or… anywhere but here. The music is so loud that it’s eventually a crazy noise acting like some sort of fuel…
I look up and he’s just in front of me. That’s interesting! I can see his nape, and all the sweat crawling down underneath his shirt…
Between the stations, we need to jump high. I mean, as high as one can still jump after having been smashed for a minute in the previous station. I’m trying to follow the music, I move my hips, I try to catch my breath. All this, while looking at him. He’s just there, in front of me. And I look, and I mechanically move… Next station.
The next station is the one he’s worked at. Little drops of sweat are sparkling on the yellow mat. Pushups with hand release. I get my face so close to the mat, I can breathe in his sweat. And that’s even more exciting than touching him. I close my eyes and I feel him with all the nerving endings. There’s only noise, exhaustion, lust….
Someone’s pinching me. I take out the ear plugs, I open my eyes and I see Luca. He’s looking at me with a very bored look on his face, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers.
‘You’re snoring’, he’s whispering. As if fearing not to wake up Tomcat.
You, bloody bastard, I’m screaming in my head, I was that close… he was so close… I…
I’m chocking and coughing just to clear my throat, then I go to the bathroom, just to avoid breaking his nose!
I don’t like being waken up, especially when it’s a real pain to fall asleep in the first place.
I look at the black spots below my eyes, my half open eyes…
Small patches of blond hair stick up in the air, as if I’ve just got my fingers out from an electrical plug. I’m losing a lot of hair, after every wash and every combing I collect fistfuls of thin hairs, as thin as they could not support any dream, if you ask me. But other hairs continue to grow from my scalp, and that’s reassuring that I’m not going to end up bold, but, still…
I keep looking at myself in the mirror. And the time flows past me, dragging all my possible scenarios for a normal boy friend and dump them into oblivion.
I take a quick shower, get dressed and go to Circuit Factory for the Friday morning session. I don’t speak or look at Luca. He’s not there. I don’t know him!
The routine is as accurate as a Swiss watch. The butterfly in the stomach, the warm up, he’s there as well, and, like in my dream, he ends up in the station in front of me. I can get addicted to this!
The class is over, I drive back home, I enter the apartment in complete silence, with a blank figure…
‘Who is he?’
Luca’s pretending to watch TV in the black armchair. He turns his head just a little, looks at me and sees right through me. He’s put a red T shirt, but if I concentrate hard enough, or put the AC, I bet I can see his nipples.
‘What are you talking about?’
I play stupid, though I know I’m going to lose.
‘He doesn’t know you like him’….
His voice is soft like a piece of kashmir on a marble egg. I literally visualize its endless gliding.
‘Shouldn’t you go home?’, I ask him giggling inside.
He looks at me. If I didn’t know him for years and be certain he’s not at all interested in me, I’d rip his T shirt off and wrestle him on the carpet.
He poses with the sad eyes of a dog begging for a bone.
I collapse on the couch, all sweaty and numb. I have to stop thinking about the CF guy!
‘You should tell him!’
This time I don’t even turn my head towards him. I watch blindly the TV. He’s put the disc of Stephen Hawkin’s UNIVERSE. Apart from the fact that I don’t like people looking through my DVDs, I’m mad at him! I’m mad at the CF guy for being so incredibly concupiscent! I’m mad at me for being so stupid to fall for inaccessible guys. I think I might as well take a break! Be cool about it! Look at a potential lover like Luca’s looking at me. With his blank figure, all uninterested and… cool! What if he saw me sleeping naked? He’s not interested! I can do that! Definitely!