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THE END (a poem in prose)

I didn’t realize you were coming straight at me. We bumped into each other without a sound, causing a simple explosion of question marks. We then  went back on each other’s ways, because we were not meant to go to bed with so many unanswered questions.

 

But somehow, the initial collision  caused some magnetic waves which found us easily, dragged us out of our barrows and drew us closer all over again, and so dangerously wonderful, that we instantly started running in opposite directions, not before we had scented each other’s small portion of skin behind the left ear and imprinted their perfumes forever on the cerebral cortex – wildflowers, silent and shy!

 

The truth is that after each short collision and immediate separation we grew smaller. Imagine a snow ball in reverse – the huge belly of the snow man turning into a small snow ball, then just some snow in the hollow of two hands, then thousands and thousands of selfish, lonely snowflakes. And then nothing! Like a white end.

RED AND BLUE

I pick you from behind a petal of a sun-flower

Just to lose you again

In an instant

The infinitesimal of a blackbird spreading its wings.

I can feel you wispering

From behind my left ear

You add and substract

The years and months and days we didn’t say I love you

My patience died

And I am becoming one with your memory

which lies under the Sun

as a cloud winking at me from behind the Moon.

IF

If I didn’t know you

I would allow your words

to kiss my breasts

And your smiles could

make my fingers tremble

as I would dare caressing you,

while trying to discover you,

from the depths of unuttered thoughts…

 

If I didn’t know you

I would ask you to accompany me

for a walk,

down my belly,

to my belly button,

my silent belly button,

like a deserted well.

Good old days

when wine could be drank from it!

 

If I didn’t know you

I would like to accidently meet you

over a coffee,

in place where butterflies cannot play the piano

and you can warm up with the blue sky

when the days are white.

1 Q 8 4

It arrived sometime around 12 pm. I’d just called in my Thursday phone conference, when Diann, the pretty lady at the reception, pinged me on Communicator that Aramex was there, but she needed an extra 37 Dirhams, the transportation fee turned to be a little more expenses than my initial estimation. I told the guys in the call I had to excuse myself for a minute, muted the phone, ran hectically to the reception, so excited, so eager, full of a stir I hadn’t felt in years! I’d been waiting for this book for two years! I’d been reading other authors, other novels of his, that I’d read again, and again… Finally, It was here! I could start reading Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84!

I had to calm down. I had a conference to lead. I don’t know how I was able to pull myself together and just… be there, doing my job! The box with the books was a couple of inches away. I had to ignore it. Quite a difficult task for a Libra! A forever incurable Libra, in love with Murakami’s novels!

The conference is over, even sooner than predicted. I hung up the phone, opened up the box and took out the two books: UNDERGROUND and 1Q84.

From now on, I and 1Q84 became inseparable. I kept petting its covers, and its pages. The latter are smooth, velvet-like. On the two covers, two human faces. A lady on the first one, a young gentleman on the last one. 1 and Q cover partially their eyes, the pupils are not visible. Nor the corners of the mouths. The letter and the number are in bold. And they are white. But the book has also a wrapper. It’s a whitish-transparent thick paper. The numbers and the letter are made of the pupils and the corners of the mouths of the two faces. Once you add the wrapper, the face is complete. 1 Q 8 4 seem not to be there anymore, though that cannot be!

The rest of the day was compromised. There was nothing more than the book. I showed it to everybody, told them how much I waited for it, what an amazing novelist Murakami was… I even boasted that, if I could read 200 pages a day, I could finish it during the Eid Holiday.

Then I took it out to meet my friends, over dinner.

Then, finally, at home!

I poured myself a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, lit a cinnamon candle, turned on the stereo, a light violin concert, Beethoven, Mozart, Vivaldi. The reading is smooth and captivating, like any other reading from Murakami. Something on the coffee table catches my eye. It’s the 1Q84 wrapper I abandoned it there. It’s breathing! I swear! It moves slowly up and down as if… I’m rational enough to realize it’s a draft from the air conditioning. Still… This book is alive! It is! That’s why I was so excited when I got it, as if I’d seen an old friend, or an old lover. Actually, that’s how I introduced it to my friends – guys, meet my Eid holiday lover!

I had been reading so many things about this book! All I wanted was to escape into its world! Every time I was reading a book of Murakami I was there, in his world. With his characters, in their kitchens, preparing breakfast, or having a beer, or I was down, on the bottom of a well, thinking. What would I think about if I were on a bottom of a well and someone stole my ladder? I know for sure I wouldn’t want to be haunted by the same thoughts that keep me up all night. But I’d be smart enough to bring a lantern. And 1Q84. I’m just at page number 6. Long and wonderful way to page 994!

THERE’S NO WAY BACK

(haiku attempt)

 

Tears kept rolling

Into solitude

And I died so I can resurrect tomorrow

 

Thoughts have dissolved

Into oblivion

You’ll never make me cry in this lifetime!

 

I’m not a drama queen

Just my soul is white

Like the one’s of the mourning queens.

 

Time’s stopped tonight

into the candles flickering

and you’ve been erased from me.

Alice crying…

I thought
that fairytales can be real
but I came back, painfully,
to the real world
like in MATRIX.

and the yellow brick road
vanished
now, it’s just all the muds
crucified on the raining skies…

Alice cried
till all the buterflies in her frontal bone
exploded
when she soothed
their wooden bodies

the black velvet
I sticked in my heart
just to have a reason
to bleed…
maybe next time…

(remember Alice in Wonderland? This time she got lost in Oz land… )

How to confuse a blonde at 3 o’clock in the morning, the Easter Sunday

Fast forward: you make her park her car in a totally stranger neighbourhood, the streets and u-turns are all the same; fill her up with some traditional Easter dishes, 3 of them, two glasses of water, and then let her leave, 3 am, all alone and dreaming to a nice glass of wine….
The blonde leaves very confident, whirling her car keys around her fingers, very confident, walks the first corner and… SUPRISE!!! The car is not there!
Ok! What does a blonde do when she doesn’t find her car in a place it’s never been? She panics, of course! She starts walking around the neighbourhood – please don’t forget it’s 3 am, I’m tired, I wanna lie down on my soffa, enjoying that glass of wine…
Oh, well… It’s not there, it’s not there either… I give up and I call my friends, I hope they will really appreciate the early walk, after all, it’s not healthy to go to bed after such a heavy meal!
“It must be somewhere near the main road, I remember I could see those buildings over there…” Just an attempt to look brown-haired!
“Well, if you know you parked it at the main rod, you should have followed the main road till you find it”, says my friend. Absolutely right!
My little red car is just one block away now, I can see it, so now I can let my friends go to bed, after properly apologizing. It was a long day!
Christ is Risen! Indeed, He is Risen!

Watanabe

‘That’s all I think about these days. Must be because I have so much time to kill every day. When you don’t have anything to do, your thoughts go really, really far out – so far out you can’t follow them all the way to the end.’ *
I always envied Murakami’s characters. More or less, they were very much like me, it’s only that they ended up expressing their feelings and thoughts much better than me. Yeah, Murakami is a far much better storyteller than my muse.
For example, I always fancied about meeting Watanabe**. Don’t know if I’d fallen for him, I was kind of shallow when it comes to guys, they would have to be primarily handsome, and, on the other hand, I always pictured Watanabe very skinny and not at all my type.
But he would still make an excellent companion for my lonely days. Right, my nights are also lonely, but then I’d read and think of what I’d talk to Watanabe the next day.
On the other hand, he gets to have three women in NORWEGIAN WOOD. So there must be something more to it than just a skinny guy, and even if he was not my type, you can never know… Anyway!
Watanabe would sit on one of the two stools I’d got from Kasia and eat almonds. I know he’d like a beer, but I quit drinking and… Still, I could offer him some whiskey. He’d drink it and tell me that my hair is like a lonely yellow field of wheat, where two turtles and an opossum had lost their way and now they’re just writing down their will, cause there’s no way out of the lonely yellow field of wheat. Yeah, that would be Watanabe!

___________________

* H Murakami – The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
** Main character of Murakami’s Norwegian Wood.

I LOVE YOU

Today I’ve began to measure my love
as if they’d invented special barometers for that!
And I bet that if there were thermometers for that
I should call an ambulance for sure.

Today I felt as if I’d been drowned into you just for a second
for I had totally forgotten how it feels to be crazy in love
and how about lifeguards in Bucharest?

And I know you’ll leave me some day
but I love you now and if tomorrow I cry
for sure I’ll find a place to buy a handkerchief.

Glenfiddich mood

I stopped the Time
so I can taste you
just as you were
so vaguely…
out of nowhere
out of forgotten kisses
Ha! Where?

I grabbed a chair
sit on it
for, damn it!
I cannot write no simple poem
and it seems I forgot
how you smell
and what’s the color
of your cigarette smoke.

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